Dina Abdullah

Sussex received incredible support from alumni, staff, students and corporate partners to help us respond to Covid-19, initially through the Emergency Sussex Fund Hardship Appeal and latterly the Covid Support Fund.

This funding has enabled us to continue to provide hardship awards throughout the pandemic to students who, due to losing their part-time jobs, suddenly found themselves unable to meet their living costs, as well as to provide additional mental health support to students who were finding themselves struggling.

Dina was just one of many students to benefit from your outstanding generosity. This is her story:

"I was a teacher and vice-principal of a kindergarten in my home country, Malaysia, for almost seven years prior to coming to the UK. I finished my BA in English Language and Literature at an international university in Malaysia and immediately started working as an assistant teacher just after graduating. At the same time, I started dipping my feet into the world of grassroots gender-based activism through a program called Young Women Making Change, run by Knowledge and Rights with Young People through Safer Spaces and International Women’s Rights Action Watch Asia Pacific. My world opened up and from that moment I knew I wanted to dedicate my life to gender advocacy and community engagement.

"Whilst I had the passion, I needed the tools. I come from a strict, conservative background and, initially, I didn’t have my parents’ permission. I also had severe self-esteem issues and was convinced I wouldn’t be ‘smart enough’ to be accepted by a good UK university or to qualify for a scholarship. In the meantime, I came to realise that my passion was not in early childhood education but in gender advocacy.

"At the age of 28, I suffered my first meltdown, or what I would now recognise as an anxiety attack. I emerged from it realising that I couldn’t go on living a life that wasn’t mine, but I still had no idea how to get to where I wanted to go. The fear of rejection, of change and hope drowned me. I didn’t realise that anxiety wasn’t just a feeling I could get over, but a condition which I didn’t know how to manage.

"My friends supported me throughout. They pulled me out of the rabbit hole and pushed me to apply for a scholarship. It was mentally and emotionally challenging writing quality essays when applying for scholarships, but I worked hard, channeling all of my energy into applications for my dream universities; University of Sussex, University College London (UCL) and School of Oriental and African Studies (SOAS). 2018 was a hell of a year, but one that taught me so much.

"In 2019, I was awarded a Chevening Scholarship to study for a postgraduate degree in the U.K. and I was accepted by all three universities that I’d applied to. I chose to do an MA in Gender and Development at the Institute for Development Studies (IDS) at Sussex. I was so close to achieving my dreams, it was an unbelievable moment. For a month, I kept the news of my award from everyone, except for a few close friends. I was afraid I would jinx it.

"I arrived in the U.K. and Brighton was everything I’d imagined it to be: vibrant, diverse, arty and filled with different advocacies, community engagement, and people-centered activities. I wasted no time and participated in events such as the Devil’s Dyke’s Pleasure Garden workshop; climate and ‘Reclaim the Night’ protests; a protest with my own classmates in Sussex’s Library Square; I hosted a digital campaign for 16 Days of Activism to prevent Violence against Women, and so many more. I threw myself into academic life and excelled in my work. I developed an amazing network of like-minded feminist friends. I worked hard and played hard. I was living the dream.

"The beginning of 2020 was amazing. I started on the same note as the year before, went travelling for the first time with friends and collaborated on more events in my department. The non-stop activities were taking a toll on me and my health, but I was trying to maximise my time in the U.K.

"In March 2020, the Covid-19 pandemic, which had shadowed us from the beginning of the year, brought a nationwide lockdown. Classes were transferred online while we stayed at home. From hitting the ground running the moment I arrived Brighton, I suddenly did absolutely nothing. I clung on to news and information. Nothing felt real. The silence and fear of the outside brought all my anxieties home. I didn’t leave the house for two months. I lay in bed staring at my ceiling while time passed yet stood still, and deadlines began to loom. At one point, I could no longer think, read, or write. My mind was empty. I was going through my second meltdown.

"I went into shock. The pressure of deadlines and fear of the ‘new norm’ triggered anxieties which had always been simmering under the surface. I realised that I was not in the right condition to work on the four essays which were due in June. I deferred all of my deadlines to August and my dissertation to January. Finally, I sought help.

"I am forever grateful to the counsellors at Sussex. The University counselling services showed me so much more support than I had expected. I received 12 sessions of counselling and I was formally diagnosed with anxiety. Between June and August, I got myself back on track with the help and support of the University counsellors, my friends and supervisors. I can’t imagine what would have happened had I not been given that help.

"I am now in the midst of completing my dissertation and will submit it in January. It has been a long, crazy journey. I don’t know what lies ahead, but what this year has taught me is that I don’t have to know. It also taught me to live in the now and take things one step at a time; to remember to reach out for help, as well as to give help; to cherish the people and love around me; to notice the small things amidst the big ones; and to always listen to my own voice. With everything that has happened, I can safely say, I am still living the dream."

If you would like to help students in hardship or in need of mental health support, please make a gift to the Sussex Fund. Thank you.