Prinny writes .....

---

The Environmental Advisory Group, proud managers of the managed meadow, will soon be advertising for a shepherd and taking applications for allotments on't Top Meadow. What a splendidly neo-Georgian image it conjures up: the gently bleating sheep tended by a shepherdess in blue taffeta and a little bonnet whilst hardy students, stripped to the waist, sing folk songs, till the soil and harvest the earth's goodness. Knowing the fate of most worthy experiments, the reality is more likely to follow this pattern: what's left of the sheep, those who have not been traumatised by drunken students, huddle in one corner, raddled and nervous, whilst tumbleweeds bounce, desultory, across rows of abandoned runner beans, cos lettuce and potatoes.

Can I remind you that today is Red Nose Day - I shall be instructing my staff to wear them all day. I would ask His Majesty the King to wear one but since it forms part of his daily attire I have decided not to broach the subject.

John Haigh's latest book Taking Chances promises to be a fascinating read. Useful tips on how to win Monopoly aside, he provides the basis of a fascinating equation for professional footballers on the probability of being sent off for a professional foul against the likelihood of such a foul preventing a goal being scored. We should be surprised if Frank Leboeuf whips out a slide rule next time he's bearing down on Paolo Wanchope.

I hear that Professor Rajak's lecture on the culture of bankruptcy was attended in large numbers by the senior management. A car boot sale was planned to follow.

I noted that the campus launderette has a machine which can cope with 25 shirts at once - what of cravats, what of waistcoats, what of cummerbunds? A man of fashion, such as myself, cannot abide grubby attire so I should be grateful for the efforts being made to ensure that the student body is a little cleaner than usual.

I was alarmed to read in Bulletin that humans, like cows, thrive best on a steady time regime and that the University should start each day with mass outdoor aerobics done to energising music. Is this already the case on our cattle farms? Is a bovine Mr Motivator taking sluggardly Friesians through step exercises? Are the university sheep the thin end of an exercise wedge? I hope not.