BALLS ON CAMPUS

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Bucky Balls speaks...

So here we are again. Nearly new century, same old traffic queues. Mrs B. and I had a very nice time inside the Millennium tent, thank you, though we were deeply disappointed when the Millennium Bug turned out to be the biggest let-down of the century and we returned to Sussex to discover our computers had not blown up, nor had the Library plunged into chaos, and Computer Services could maintain their 100% record of service.

Mrs B and I were very impressed with the statement in the Bulletin that if you're not building something or converting you're not doing very well. Our experience of builders in Schloss Bucky is that you want them out as quickly as possible before they trample on the garden, wreck your plumbing and get mud on the carpets. Our experience of builders on campus is that if they're building or converting something, then something's gone wrong somewhere with the original contractors: sources in the Arts area remind me of the Great Millennium Lavatory Saga... I suppose converting the Refectory to Bramber and the Science site to Pevensey and Hastings (Hastings! Hastings! Has anyone been to Hastings recently?) was relatively painless...

I'm sorry to take time up on such trivia, but with the gradual conversion of the campus road link to the site for the Millennial British Grand Prix (all those nice shiny new crash barriers, the chicane along the Science Road, the pit-lane next to the Refectory car park), I have two questions for eager readers: racing down the chicane between the science buildings, why is it that cars slow to take the world's most innocuous speed - humps is too strong a word - speed protuberances at a minus speed? And what are those rubber mats for? Mrs B admits to a cheap thrill every time we take the 2CV over them, but I cannot believe that that is the reason for their existence.

A final note for campus wildlife lovers: the Millennium tit-box outside the Building known as Sussex House is doing well and attracting its fair share of...well...tits. Other forms of native wild-life are also thriving: the students are herding about campus and we suspect that the annual migration into the Building known as Sussex House is about to begin.

Must go: Mrs B. wants a race around the circuit with six second-year students in a Ford Fiesta.