Buckie Balls Speaks ............
In line with the recent re-christening of the late lamented Stanley Deason School (now Marina High), I feel a revamp on campus is called for. Local Sussex towns - how provincial! Who thought that one up? I detect the evil genius of Prinny again. Out with Chichester, Pevensey, Falmer et al; in with the Moulsecoomb Lecture Theatre and Aisin Seiki. All problems with the Building Known as Sussex House disappear. Call it White'awk 'All. Incidentally, has the new tit-feeder been installed to amuse faculty as they wait with increasing irritation to gain entrance to that building to collect scripts from the Exams Office?
In line with the principles of the University's Scottish Vice-Chancellor, I have been asked to audit money-raising schemes in individual units around campus, and I recently visited the BIOLS pick-your-own allotment where plants are grown in 24-hour-a-day simulated sunlight, in the expectation that this would increase photosynthesis and produce a bumper crop. All-year strawberries are currently supplied to at least three national supermarkets. I also noticed a row of students from Arts being subjected to the same treatment. "Why?" I asked, "Why not" they responded:.... Philosophy students, no doubt .... giving credence to the notion of the Arts-Science scheme.
This week's campus anomaly: why are there two sites claiming to be The Sports Centre?
I couldn't help noticing the proliferation of empty BT 'phone boxes: it is my understanding that these have been placed around campus as a place for students with mobile 'phones to stand to protect them from the rain whilst chatting to friends. This, however, is not as much of a blot as Billy Smart's Circus which arrives in early July with its full equipment of clowns in red robes and funny hats ... I'm so sorry, I mean the W.I. striped marquee which decorates the lawns outside the Library.
Further news on the Travel Agency. I normally find my respectable, non-corduroy, dark-suited appearance grants me access everywhere, but I was foiled in my attempt to breach the Travel Agency security this week. The cross-beams caught even me in their trap and I was unceremoniously ejected.
Finally, I have a job vacancy in my palatial suite in Chichester the Moulsecoomb Lecture Theatre, for a PA Executive Assistant to help me in my onerous and stressful task of composing this column for lesser intelligencies - someone to make the coffee for me and my dark-suited friends. Job suited to any university secretary ... Surely not on this modern enlightened campus?
