Balls on Campus

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Welcome back! But what are we back to? As far as I can see from my exalted position in Chichester, little has changed on campus over the summer. Email is still erratic, there's still no heating, all the toilets are out of order (have you tried to go to the lavatory in Arts A and B?), the car parks heave at the seams like the nets of Spanish fishermen, and the innocent and unwary wait for fifty minutes to leave campus.

The good Editor asked me to think of some positive welcoming remarks for you all. What does she think this column is about? Well then, the sun is shining, the moats round Falmer House are full, Sir Basil Rathbone's architecture looks at its spanking best, the sheep are gambolling in the field, the speed humps up the Science Road have wrecked my suspension (sorry, I mean the speed humps up the Science Road stop us running anyone down) and the Managed Meadow has at last been trimmed making campus look so much nicer and tidier.

I happened to be rambling across campus and was accosted by a fresh-faced young thing asking for directions to Bramber. I had her halfway to Steyning before I realised she was trying to register and that Dr Evil, or whoever directs these random name changes, had struck again. Bramber is now the Refectory; I mean the Refectory is now Bramber. This, of course, solves that age-old campus problem of there being nowhere nice to take visiting big-shots. "Lunch in the Grape Vine in Bramber" sounds so much more enticing than "A plate of chips on the First Floor of the Refectory". A visit to the Building Known as Sussex House and its Tit-Box can now become a day trip to Worthing.

Nice new signs, but no heating. I have wrapped my self in my polycarbon overcoat and sit and shiver. Did no one know the date of the start of term?

One of the many joys at this time of year is spotting the signs of student presence. There is the huddle of students in any available doorway; the wide range of attractive plastic cups scattered across the grass in front of Bramber; the ring of mobile 'phones in the Library. We can tell the students are back....I remember Mrs Balls reading to me an excerpt from a report by some well-meaning individuals about one of the pleasures of working in the university system being the chance to mix on a daily basis with young people....Hmmm...

Must go; am away to Saltdean Lido (formerly The Library) via Worthing for a bit of sun and fun....